A plain-English map of the main steps after separation in England and Wales. It is general information, not legal advice. Every family is different, so speak to a regulated adviser about your own situation. Checked against GOV.UK in October 2026; rules and fees change.
Most parents work out arrangements for their children without a court. A written parenting plan (where the children live, when they see each parent, holidays, school, how you will talk to each other) can help. It is not legally binding, but it gives you both something to point back to.
Looking after children after separation (GOV.UK)If you cannot agree, you will usually be expected to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) before applying to the family court about the children or money. There are exemptions, for example where there has been domestic abuse or the matter is urgent. Ask the mediator about any funding that may be available.
Family Mediation CouncilA child arrangements order sets out where a child lives and who they spend time with. The court decides based on what is best for the child. Cafcass, the children’s court service, may speak to you and the children. Keeping a clear, factual record of contact and communication can help you and your adviser.
CafcassParents can agree maintenance between themselves (a family-based arrangement) or use the Child Maintenance Service. GOV.UK has a calculator to give you an idea of the figure.
Child Maintenance Service (GOV.UK)You can apply online and no longer need to blame the other person. There is a minimum waiting period between the application and the first order, and a further period before the final order. Check GOV.UK for the current steps and fee, and whether you can get help paying it.
Get a divorce (GOV.UK)Ending a marriage does not by itself settle your finances. If you agree arrangements, ask a solicitor about having them made legally binding through the court. Unmarried couples do not have the same automatic rights, so advice matters even more.
Money and property when a relationship ends (GOV.UK)Legal aid for family matters is limited, but may be available where there has been domestic abuse or child protection concerns, and for mediation. Citizens Advice and Advicenow offer free guidance, and you can search for a regulated adviser.
Legal aid (GOV.UK)Your safety comes first. In an emergency call 999 (press 55 if you cannot speak). The National Domestic Abuse Helpline is free, 24 hours, on 0808 2000 247. The family court can make protective orders such as non-molestation orders, and abuse can exempt you from the MIAM requirement. Think carefully before sharing any app with someone who has harmed you, and speak to a specialist first.
Report domestic abuse (GOV.UK)The law and the courts are different. This guide covers England and Wales only. Use the links on the GOV.UK separation page for Scotland and Northern Ireland.
Separation and divorce (GOV.UK)Separation is hard. Relate offers relationship and family counselling, and Citizens Advice can help with practical problems like benefits, housing and debt.
RelateOurChildrens helps you keep to what you have agreed, with a dated record of messages, handovers and costs.
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